Planning your baby's funeral

We decided to have Arran cremated. We wanted him home with us.

After that decision was made, I longed for somewhere to go, to sit with him and talk to him. I was questioning whether we made the right decision by having him cremated. I always question the decisions we made.I guess that's because we can never go back and change them.

Now, I am so thankful that Arran is home with us. He has a special little place in our house which makes us feel close to him.I have come to realise that wherever I am is where Arran will be. He lives in our hearts and our thoughts and is with us in everything we do.

Preparing for your baby's funeral is a very emotional experience and one that is very personal as to how you wish to commemorate your precious little baby.If you're finding it too difficult to deal with yourself, don't be afraid to ask family and friends to help.

You can decide whether to have your baby buried or cremated.

University Hospital Wishaw gave us the option of using their funeral directors or using our preferred funeral directors. If we went ahead with theirs then it would be their Chaplain who would conduct the service.

We had already met the hospital Chaplain, Harry. He performed a naming ceremony for Arran while we were in hospital which meant he too met our sweet little boy. We instantly took a liking to him. Our midwife also spoke so fondly of their funeral directors so we decided to go with them and we are glad we did. They did everything that we asked and more.

Choices can be very limited with this option depending on the hospital, so make sure you are aware of what it entails, and if it is the right decision for you. The hospital or your preferred funeral directors will be able to help you complete all the necessary paperwork.

If you are resident in Scotland, most funeral homes will provide a baby's funeral free of charge. I am not sure of what each one provides and this may vary so it's best to check.

The funeral home dressed Arran in the clothes we had provided and they gave us the opportunity to see him. I was scared at first because I didn't know what he would look like but he was perfect. He looked just like a sleeping baby, our hearts shattered into a million more pieces. The pain becomes deeper and deeper.

We spent time with Arran and placed some special items in beside him. Ben chose a special teddy to give to him, we put in photographs and notes and a white single rose from each of us. We were so glad we got to see him again but heart wrenching to have to walk away again.

Don't be afraid to ask your funeral director to see your baby again if that is your wish.

We have provided some special suggestions and ideas of what could be incorporated in your baby's funeral.

• Order Of Service
  I don't know if these are generally not provided at a baby's funeral but the funeral home we used did not provide these. We wanted to have one put together so I created what we wanted and sent it to a local printers to have them printed. You may decide that you don't want one and that is absolutely fine too.
• You could choose special poems or readings that you may like friends or family to read. The person conducting the service could also read these if others may find it too difficult.
• Think of special songs that you may want to be played.
• We didn't want people to wear only black so we asked those who were attending to wear something blue.
• Ask someone to take photographs for you. This is something we did not do, it didn't even cross my mind but it is something I wish I had of done.
• You could have a Dove or Butterfly release
• Have a little book for family and friends to write messages for you